I decided, exactly one week before I need to have a halloween costume, that my witchy-demony-scary-thing ensemble would be absolutely incomplete without one of those sassy pentagram cage things. Seriously, what is even the point of Halloween if I can't call down dark spirits with my lady lumps, amIright? Now honestly I probably would've happily paid $25 for one on etsy, but I am pretty sure it wouldn't have made it here in time, so in desperation, I turned to my old nemesis.... sewing.
Before we start, let me say one thing: Having a dress form that is actually the same size as you are would make this about a thousand times easier. Mine is bustier than me, and it was a problem, as you'll see. Barring that, a similarly-sized assistant would be great. But if push comes to shove, you could probably do the whole thing on your own body, in a mirror. Try not to stab yourself in the tits a bunch with the needle. It hurts.
You will need....
- A bra you're willing to sacrifice, with the straps adjusted the way you want them, and safety pins placed on the straps where you want the top of your star to hit (I went for the collarbone area.) Black is classic, but go nuts. Many of the harnesses you can buy are JUST elastic and then you wear them with whatever you want, but this seemed simpler to execute. I may try the other sort later, once I forget how much I don't like sewing.
- Elastic. I used a narrowish width but you could go wider, it would just require more sewing and probably be a bit less forgiving. This pack came with 6 yards and that was plenty- but I'd say get at least that much, in case you fuck it up somehow. I think you could do this with ribbon as well- it'd be easier to sew, but maybe less forgiving? Not that the elastic is that forgiving anyway...- Needle
- Black thread (or whatever matches your elastic)
- Pins (safety, and possibly straight.)
Now, if you've ever drawn a five-pointed star, which you almost certainly have since you are a human being, this will be easy.
1. Start at one pin, dip down and around the middle part of the bra, and head back up to the second pin. If you're using a dress form you can hold everything in place with straight pins; if it's on a human you should probably go for safety pins even though they're a bit obnoxious and imprecise. As you go, you want the elastic to be flat and taut, but NOT stretched. If it's stretched, it will pull in at the straps and scrunch your bra up and generally be a hot mess.
2. Fold the elastic neatly (shown in the photo below) and head down to wherever you want the side arms of the star to hit- I recommend just above where the bra cup ends. Pin.
(I considered wrapping the elastic AROUND the strap but didn't try it. Could work maybe. Feel free to give it a whirl (and please report back.)
3. Go straight across to the other strap.
4. Now, back up to the beginning. Yay! At this point, if you have it on a dress form or another person, you're probably going to want to safety pin all the joints and try it on. Try to pin the elastic in two places per pin, so that it doesn't get all loosey-goosey (if that makes sense, errr...)
5. If all is well, sew that baby! If you're smart/have a sewing machine, you could just tack each joint down with a few hand stitches and then machine the heck out of them for maximum sturdiness. If you don't have a machine, or if you're a deadbeat like me who doesn't want to dig it out of the labyrinth of unpacked moving boxes in the basement, just hand stitch the heck out of it. Just a big ole clusterfuck of messy, random stitches until you feel like those straps aren't going anywhere.
6. Remember, with a vengeance, why you're a knitter, not a seamstress.
7. Try it on to make sure it's still fitting well and not all loose and wonky because your damn fit model is bigger than you. If you need to make adjustments, it's okay to cry a little, we're all friends here. (I did not. I am brave. I just made a very angry face.) I ended up just ripping the stitches out of the bottom V and folding the excess under and sewing the whole mess in place, so that I didn't have to cut it. That loose strap across the top actually looks fine in person, I think it was just wavy because of the way my arm was positioned while taking the picture. I did end up sewing one stitch through the X in the middle of my chest to make sure it crossed right in the center, though (the pentagram is symmetrical but I, alas, am not.)
8. Finish any cut ends with some clear nail polish, or one of those anti-fray liquids. You could probably burn the ends, too, but try it on a scrap first.
Here's the finished product!
Yes, I posted a picture of myself in a bra on the internet for you, dear readers. Because I love you. And I want you to remember this when I turn up in a sleazy sidebar advertisement that promises to help you "Meet Local Goth Sluts Today!" It's all for yoooou.
Anyway, this is how I imagine it actually being worn most often (unless you spend a lot of time in fetish clubs):
Probably you'd go with a dark top, so as not to look like you're about to enter a wet t-shirt contest, but I wanted to make the contrast clear.
Finally, grab your favorite demonic dog-friend, and go witch some shit up!
Totally unrelatedly, putting wings on a dog is a great way to make them hate you.