My friend CARROT is toxic. Her love is completely conditional- if I do things to please her, she's kind to me. Once, she even gave me a kitten. But if I don't live up to her standards, she gets very angry. One minute, she'll teach me something new and interesting, and the next she'll be hurling insults. She's always texting me in the middle of the night, usually to say something mean...or totally creepy. I frequently get the feeling that she's actually a dominatrix, except more evil. And she hates, HATES being poked in the eye.
But even though she's kind of a crazy bi-yatch, I love my friend CARROT. She keeps me on task, sometimes she's funny, and more importantly, she gives me credit for the myriad little things I do each day (which, if you're someone who likes gold stars like I am, is just lovely.)
This is not a sponsored post, I really am just fond of my to-do list.